When the latest Netflix doc calls your residential treatment center a cult š±
Last Tuesday, The Program: Cons, Cults, and Kidnapping was released on Netflix.
Colin and I had been warned about this over the past few weeks on our calls with people inthe therapeutic program industry.
Weāve found that most of these documentaries only tell the extreme sides of the story and are not indicative of our experiences in residential therapeutic programs.
Whatās different is The Program was filmed, directed, and produced by former students at The Academy at Ivy Ridge. Their experience as students in this residential treatment program is at the center of the documentary.
I almost wasnāt going to write about it this week, because both Colin and I were straight-up shook after watching it. Episode two was particularly shocking for me and my friends, as the therapeutic seminars students were required to complete at Ivy Ridge looked almost the exact same as ours, down to the songs they played in the background.
The main reason we had such an emotional reaction to it is because itās the only documentary weāve seen that accurately gives the viewer a perspective into our thoughts and emotions during our time in these programs as teens sent there without our consent. Even more importantly, they show viewers just how challenging it is to rebuild the relationship with your parents after leaving these programs, even for the most successful (and compliant) students.
Yes, we fully needed help, our parents had exhausted all other options with our out-of-control behavior at home, and we do believe these programs are overall helpful. Our programs did not physically abuse and did not restrain us.
We know this happened a long time ago, and the programs that exist today are very different than the one in the documentary and have made a lot of positive changes.
But no one in the industry can claim that the psychological effect of being in a program for 12-24 months - while being cut off from your family, friends, and the world at large - is 100% positive.
The producers made this documentary primarily to prove to their parents that they werenāt lying about their time there. Every single person who has been in a therapeutic program can relate to feeling like our parents (and peers) will never understand what we just went through, no matter how much you try to describe it to them. There is a special kind of pain and loneliness that comes along with that.
I spent a few hours this weekend composing my thoughts on things I had been trying to tell my friends and family about for years, the impact of which they never seemed to fully understand. From my personal experience in a residential treatment center, hereās where the documentary hit the nail on the head:
Iām not saying of these things are inherently bad.
I genuinely understand the thought process behind a lot of the structure and social dynamics created in programs. And I acknowledge that we were sent to these programs because our parents had tried everything else and felt they couldnāt keep us safe at home. But these are just some of the things š that we have to grapple with after we leave.
If we could choose one takeaway we hope parents and people running, recommending, or evaluating therapeutic programs have from watching the documentary, itās this:
āThereās no way that parents, education consultants, or even people who work in programs themselves can understand the impact of and what it feels like to actually live and survive there, day in and day out. All we want is for the people we love to acknowledge that.ā
I give my parents a lot of credit for saying this to me š when I came home.
Because I had chosen to be sober and go to AA for years after leaving my program, I had the community + mentorship I needed at the bare minimum to deal with the normal challenges of young adulthood coupled with mental illness and trauma work I still had yet to do in therapy.
My parents made the wise decision, especially back in 2012, to hire a coach for me for the first three months after I left instead of making me do more therapy. She gave me 24/7 support, listened to me vent, advocate for me to my parents, and helped me navigate social settings and dating.
Treatment was just the start of the support and structure I needed to build a life I absolutely love living. I credit my overall positive outlook of my treatment experience to the support my parents, my coach, and AA gave me in the years after I left my program.
** Disclaimer: Itās my understanding that there are standards therapeutic programs have to meet to obtain certain licensure in some states. To be clear, the transitional support that some programs provide today is MUCH more than what Colin and I had at our programs over 10 years ago.
All Iām saying here is that based on what we know - and this is just our opinion - there are programs that still have a ways to go to set students up with the type of non-clinical support troubled teens, such as Colin, myself, and our teen & young adult clients, really need when we leave our programs: community + relatable mentorship + real-world social skills + parent advocacy.
Colin and I often get calls from parents 6-18 months after their child has left a program, and they all say something similar:
āMy child had a lot of momentum at one point, and they ultimately felt positive about their experience in their program. But now, theyāve slid back into old behaviors, and they look at their experience negatively. In fact, they blame their current challenges and problems on being sent to a program.ā
Iām sure every therapeutic education consultant has heard this from their clients many times. Thatās why Colin and I are on a mission to get families and consultants to understand that the transition out of the program, especially the first 6 months after, is JUST as critical of a āplacementā as the program itself.
Through the work with our clients, weāve seen that we can minimize the retraumatization we all experience upon reentering the real world by pairing young people leaving programs with mentors who were in programs as well, but are a few years out and can give them the cheat codes on how to heal, be successful, and turn the experience from something that could hold them back into something that will propel them forward.
Because at the end of the day, those of us who have been in these programs ourselves understand how to do that better than anyone else.
And nowā¦ā¦our vibes this weekš®
š What weāre reading
Bad Therapy, Abigail Shrier (weāre absolutely LOVING this book)
What Gen Z will lose if they donāt have friendships at work, wsj
How positive male role models are detoxifying the social media āmanosphereā, the guardian
š¶ What weāre listening to
Volcano - Jungle
š” One last thought
THANKS FOR READING!
If you found this valuable, this is your signāļøto send this to parents or former clients who can relate to the feelings weāre having this week so we can make sure they know theyāre not alone. Sharing is caring š
Weāre in this to collaborate and support. Please feel free to reach out to us:
If youāre passionate about changing the narrative in the industry.
If youāre a parent who has a child in treatment, weāre happy to answer any of your burning questions and share our experience in treatment and with transitioning out!